


F Holes

by Michael_Ackart



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom!Shepard, Canon Divergence, Crying, Explicit Sexual Content, Fingering, Horizon (Mass Effect), M/M, ME 1 relationship, ME 1 spoilers, ME 2 spoilers, Oral Sex, Tattoos, Top!Kaidan, custom Shepard - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-08 18:58:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3219848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michael_Ackart/pseuds/Michael_Ackart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When people die, they usually don't show up years later and save human colonies from hostile aliens. So Kaidan's more than a little skeptical when Cal Shepard, his lover, does just that. Part of Kaidan thinks this nothing more than a Cerberus ploy but if he's learned anything from the commander, it's that Shepard has a knack for defying the odds.</p><p>Kaidan takes a big chance, knowing that the greatest risks hold the greatest rewards</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My original intention was a short sexy one-shot but it felt better to break it up. A small, simple story about Shepard's death and the events on Horizon (and beyond)

“I want a new tattoo,” Shepard sighed. He lay on the bed in the captain’s quarters he and Kaidan shared. The lieutenant was just out of the shower, towel drying his hair before searching for underwear.

“Oh yeah? What of?”

The brunette poked at his naked stomach. “F holes, like on guitars, on my hips. You should get one too.”

“Eh, I think you have enough for both of us. You can get yours when we go back to the Citadel in a couple weeks.” He sat down and joined his boyfriend on the bed.

“Fuuuuuck,” he groaned then settled his head on Kaidan’s lap. “This is so dumb.”

“It is,” he agreed, knowing what he referred to. After what they learned about Sovereign, wasting the Normandy crew’s experience on leftover Geth was ridiculous and they had to wonder what the hell the Council was thinking.

“Brush my hair?”

The older biotic couldn’t help smiling before running his fingers through Cal’s short chocolate locks. He watched a relaxed look settle on the man's face as green eyes closed. He loved Shepard more than anything and cherished these moments. Saren was dead, and although they still had a lot to worry about, things weren’t quite as frantic as they’d been the last few months.

“So...f holes,” Kaidan murmured thoughtfully.

“There’s a cheesy and highly sexual joke somewhere.”

“Speaking of such.”

“Aaaaand there it is,” he said as a hand snuck beneath him to grab his ass.

He pulled the older man down to kiss him and they shifted until Kaidan was stretched out above of him. Shepard’s legs wrapped around the other biotic to keep him close as their lips continued to move against each other’s. And later, when Kaidan finally slid inside the commander’s warm body and Shepard’s back arched in pleasure, Cal felt so...good. They both did.

And they were both blissfully unaware that this was the final night they’d share aboard the SSV Normandy.

10101010101

It had been one week since the Normandy was destroyed.

One week since Kaidan abandoned Cal, since he left him to die all alone in the cold infinite expanse of space.

These were the longest seven days of his life. How many until he didn't feel so hollow anymore?

The lieutenant tipped a bottle of whiskey into his mouth, drinking it down sloppily. He was on the balcony of his hotel room. It overlooked the Presidium, which was currently doused in an artificial night. He didn’t quite understand the first time he heard ‘the commander never made it to the escape pod.’ The words entered his ears but his brain was left unable to process them. But when they finally did...

He drank more, trying to drown out the memory, trying to pass out so he didn’t have to feel this overwhelming emptiness. A part of him was simply gone and he would’ve given anything to have it back.

His head banged back against the wall but he didn’t feel a thing. “I’m sorry, Cal. I’m so, so sorry,” he breathed, tears gathering in his eyes.

This was the first day Kaidan had spent completely alone and it was horrible. He shouldn’t have been by himself in some hotel on the Citadel. He was supposed to be on the Normandy, going on missions with the commander before returning to the quarters he and Shepard shared. His eyes closed and he tried to imagine a head resting in his lap, his fingers brushing through short brown hair, a bright smile aimed solely at him.

He would never have any of those things again. Shepard was dead and if he’d followed his instincts and stayed on board then maybe, _maybe-_

“Fuck!” Kaidan screamed, his eyes opening wide. Tears streamed down his face as he finally gave in and cried. The bottle dropped from his hand, clattering to its side and spilling its contents on the ground. Cal paid the ultimate price for his tragic mistake and Kaidan could never forgive himself for that.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there crying. His head hurt and he felt completely drained. The man decided he didn’t have the energy to drag himself into the room and on the bed so he dropped onto his side right there on the balcony. Besides, he didn’t like sleeping on the bed. It felt too cold and too empty without the warmth of another body lying next to him.

A strange cross between a growl and strangled cry escaped his lips and he stared at the black sky. “I miss you,” he whispered brokenly into the air.

It was going to be a very, very long night.


	2. Chapter 2

No.

No, this couldn’t be real.

Kaidan was hallucinating. That had to be it, an effect from the Collector things that had paralyzed him. Because there was just _no fucking way_ that this person standing in front of him, the one who just saved him on Horizon, was Cal. That couldn’t be possible. His heart hammered as he gazed at the man who looked exactly like the lover he lost two years ago.

“Kaidan,” Shepard said softly.

The older biotic tried to respond but he felt like he’d shatter if he said anything.

“Kaidan,” he repeated. He could scarcely believe it. After weeks of searching and desperate wishing, he’d finally found Kaidan. He ran to the stunned biotic and hugged him tightly, relieved that he was safe. His face buried into the older man’s neck as Kaidan’s body returned the embrace without thought.

The warmth emanating from this Shepard seemed real enough, he _felt_ right...

But then Kaidan was shoving him away and the only reason the brunette let go was because it was so unexpected.

“What is this?” he demanded before the younger commander could say a word. He took a good look at the short brown hair he’d run his fingers through a million times, the emerald eyes full of confusion and pain, and the armor with Cerberus’ symbol emblazoned across the chest. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Kay, it’s me. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you-”

“You’re not Cal. He’d never join Cerberus. And he would _never_ let me believe for two years that he was...he was gone.”

“I’ve been in a coma this entire time and I-I know this is a lot to take in. If we can just talk for a few minutes, you’ll see what’s going on.”

“No. Fuck you and fuck Cerberus. I don’t know if you’re just some VI or what but I will find the son of a bitch that thought this was a good idea.”

“Kaidan, no. Please, listen to me.” He stepped forward but Kaidan held a hand up and stepped back.

“Get away from me. Why are you doing this?”

“I was in a coma! Cerberus found me!” he shouted, desperate for the other man to understand. “I was practically dead but their scientists fixed me. And yes, the Illusive Man asked me to work for him to stop the Collectors. The Alliance has done nothing, they've been trying to sweep us under the rug since we beat Saren, so that’s why I agreed _temporarily_. As soon as this mission is over, I’m done with them.”

“They’re terrorists, Cal. Cerberus has done horrible things. They must’ve fucked with your head, put a control chip inside you. Because if you joined them willingly...”

“The threat to these missing colonies is too great to let my own feelings interfere. This has to be done.”

Kaidan closed his eyes. That sounded like Shepard’s thinking. But Cerberus...he wondered if this really was Cal—in body at least—and Cerberus was somehow controlling his mind, if that was how they convinced him so easily. Because as rational as Cal sounded now, he would’ve fought like hell if the first thing he’d woken to was a team of Cerberus scientists around him. He pinned a hard gaze on the commander, believing more and more that it was the Illusive Man looking at him through Cal’s eyes.

“Kay?” he said quietly. “Kay, please. Don’t push me away without giving me a chance.” He risked another step forward, frowning when Kaidan’s body visibly tensed.

Kaidan braced himself for any sudden attacks. But instead of coming closer, his former lover fell to his knees. He watched Cal’s eyes fill with tears.

“I _need_ you,” he cried. “I’m so scared.”

His voice quivered and Kaidan could hear the raw desperation in it. Shepard was the strongest person he knew and he understood the fear and stress required to break him. He would do anything for Cal without question but as much as he wanted to, he just couldn’t believe that this was truly him—either alive or with mind untouched. But as he watched the commander sit in the dirt and cry, he felt his own heart breaking all over again. Maybe this was Cal, a tiny voice whispered in his mind. His pain seemed genuine and that made Kaidan hurt more.

If he allowed himself to believe this was Cal and it wasn’t...

But if this was Cal and he turned him away—which was worse?

“Cal,” he murmured. Green bloodshot eyes met his gaze. The Alliance soldier took in every detail of the man, details he had already memorized long ago. This was so hard but finally he chose to trust what that little voice was telling him, not wanting to make the same mistake twice.

And it was that which led him to kneel in the dirt, face inches from the one he thought he’d never see again. Kaidan’s hand slowly, hesitantly reached up and touched a stubbled cheek. Shepard’s eyes watched him cautiously the entire time. A thumb brushed away a tear and he noticed the scar near his right eye was gone. Did scientists ‘fix’ that too?

Kaidan’s other hand moved and then he was pulling the Cerberus commander into his arms. Shepard clutched him once again, feeling so much relief. No matter what happened next, they would always have this moment.

“This better be real,” the older man murmured into Shepard’s ear.

Cal looked at the other biotic. “Brush my hair?” he asked before returning his head to Kaidan’s shoulder.

Tears began falling from amber eyes as he combed his fingers through Cal’s short hair like so many times in the past. “I’ve missed you.” Shepard just clung to him tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re alright,” Cal eventually breathed. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if the Collectors had taken Kaidan. He pulled back so he could gaze at the older man’s face. “We need to talk.”

“Not here. I need to call in back up to help with this mess.”

“Let me help you look for survivors.”

He glanced around and stood. He held a hand out and the brunette let Kaidan pull him up. “I think your squad’s already on it. You should go. It’ll be messy if the Alliance comes and you’re still here.” Shepard was about to protest but he stopped him. “I’ll contact you as soon as I can. I promise.”

“But Cerberus-”

“We’ll talk about it later.”

“No! I’m not a monster, Kay! Don’t treat me like...like...”

Kaidan wrapped a hand on the back of his neck and pulled hard until their foreheads nearly touched. “I’m not walking away,” he whispered harshly. “But this isn’t the time or place for the talk we need to have and you know that. Now go so I don’t have to watch you beat up the Alliance soldiers who try to arrest you.” His voice and his expression softened. “I’ll message you soon, I swear.”

He leaned forward and kissed Cal. The younger man practically melted against him and he knew, Kaidan knew that there was no way the Illusive Man could mimic this with a VI or control chip. He didn’t know the way Cal’s body meshed with his when they kissed, how the brunette responded when Kaidan’s tongue massaged his. Kaidan briefly cursed their armor for keeping them apart before remembering where they were. “Go, Cal.”

Shepard looked at him sadly before nodding and running off, typing a message on his omni-tool for his squad to return to the Normandy. Kaidan watched him disappear from sight before he went into soldier mode. No matter how much his own heart ached and no matter how overwhelmed he felt, his first priority had to be Horizon's survivors.

And while he forced himself to push Cal from his mind for the moment, Shepard just hoped that Kaidan kept his promise.


	3. Chapter 3

Leaving Kaidan behind on Horizon had been so difficult for Shepard and the stubborn part of him wanted to fight Kaidan on it more. But he didn’t because he knew there was more going on beyond themselves. Still, with the immediate danger passed, Cal could focus on little else. He gave his report to the Illusive Man, arguing angrily when he discovered it’d been a set up. Furious actually, even if it did seem like a half decent idea—because it did end up working, but nearly at the cost of Kaidan’s life.

After making sure he had no immediate responsibilities to tend to, the commander locked himself in his quarters. He collapsed onto the bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. That hadn’t gone at all like he imagined. In his first few days as a Cerberus commander, all he could think about during the down time was how his reunion with Kaidan would go. The thought of seeing the older man again kept him going when all this stuff about dying and being rebuilt and the Collectors threatened to overwhelm Shepard. They had been through so much together, he wanted Kaidan for this too.

But then to be pushed away so harshly, to be accused of being a criminal...that was the final thing it took to break Cal and leave him crying on the ground. Kaidan was the only person who had that kind of power over him. Part of him was angry at the biotic and wanted to yell at him until Shepard passed out from exertion. He didn’t need any more stress. He didn’t need to fucking lay here and wonder if Kaidan would keep his promise of contacting him.

But something obviously changed in Kaidan’s mind. He wouldn’t have knelt down with him or kissed him. He wasn’t sure what he said or did to convince him...no. ‘Convince’ wasn’t the right word, Kaidan definitely wasn’t ‘convinced’ that he was the real Shepard or doing this for altruistic reasons. But he was giving Shepard a chance and that was all he needed. Kaidan wouldn’t regret this, Cal would make sure of that.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered into the pillow before sitting up. He was developing a hell of a headache. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and buried his face in his hands. An exaggerated groan slipped from his mouth a couple minutes later when he heard a knock at his door. The red light was on to indicate that he didn’t want to be disturbed right now. If it were really important, EDI would let him know.

“Go away,” he grumbled, knowing whoever it was couldn’t hear him.

Another knock was the response.

He sighed. “EDI, who is that?”

“Garrus. He has alcohol,” the VI answered.

He wondered why the turian was there. He couldn’t possibly know what happened already. Shepard stood and dragged himself over to the door. Just as it slid open, Garrus was hitting the button to call the elevator.

“Thought you weren’t going to answer,” he said.

“You’re very persistent,” Shepard told him.

“If you didn’t want to talk then you would’ve kept ignoring me so invite me in.”

The commander couldn’t help but smile and move to let Garrus enter the cabin. “EDI said you had alcohol.”

“Of course.” He held up the bottle. “It’s our favorite hobby.”

“Or our only hobby.”

“At least we have one.” Garrus sat down on the couch while the human grabbed two glasses. Cal joined him a moment later.

“So what brings you up here?”

“Jacob told me what happened.”

“Ah. Didn’t realize my crew were such gossips. Good to know.”

“Nah, he told me privately. He mentioned something about us being pals or whatever. News to me.”

“Oh, you fucking love me.”

Garrus just grinned. He poured bright blue liquid into each glass and handed one to his friend.

“Uh, is this...safe? For humans?”

“Regular humans? Probably not. But super humans like you should be fine.”

Shepard stared at it before shrugging and taking a gulp. The taste of fruit immediately hit his tongue and he liked it. The pair sat quietly for a couple minutes before Garrus spoke.

“I should’ve gone with you.”

“I chose those two because-”

“Yes, yes, I know why. But if I had gone maybe Kaidan would’ve-”

“No, he wouldn’t have. Look, it’s fine, Garrus. Really. He said he’d contact me and...” He stared into his glass with a frown on his face.

“What happened when he saw you? I can say from experience that it must’ve been quite the shock.”

“I hugged him. But then he pushed me away and accused me of being mind-controlled or a VI. I really thought he was going to walk away for good. He promised to email me once the colony was dealt with.”

“Do you believe him?”

“I want to but...I don’t know.” He sighed then took another drink. “When you love someone, aren’t you supposed to trust them? Be happy to see them?”

“I think under normal circumstances, Kaidan would’ve been all over you. It certainly happened often enough before. But when have things with any of us ever been normal? You obviously know Kaidan better than I do, but if he really didn’t think it was you in there, he would’ve walked away.”

Shepard agreed. It wouldn’t be like Kaidan to lie like that. He would’ve told Cal to fuck off right there, in fact he did initially.

“How was he?” the commander eventually asked quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“When I...died. How was he?” He shook his head, knowing that was a stupid question. “No, don’t answer that. I know how he was.”

Garrus watched him a moment before speaking. “He loved you. You know that, all of us did. You just have to trust that he’ll contact you and keep your focus on the mission.”

“Oh, I’m an excellent focuser. You know I let nothing interfere with my mission.” He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. “With everything going on, this shouldn’t be on my mind so much.”

“I disagree. It’s exactly because you’re _not_ a VI that this matters to you. As long as you’re focused on our objective, it’s no one else’s business what you do during down time. If you want to get drunk with your closest and most handsome friend, well, that’s up to you.”

Shepard poked his head up and smiled. “You’re one smooth turian.

“Oh, I know. Now drink up, we have some time to kill.”

Shepard and Garrus hung out for a couple more hours. By the time the turian left, Cal was feeling better. He just had to trust Kaidan then put it out of his mind. The important thing was that the other man was safe.

10101010101

It took one day for Kaidan to email him. He waited until he could go to his quarters to open it. His heart was racing at he sat as his desk and stared at the other commander’s name. What if—no.

'Stop thinking,' he reprimanded. So he did and just clicked on the email.

_Cal,_

_It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to say. Honestly, I still don’t. It’s just barely sinking in that I_ saw _you yesterday, actually saw you when you’re supposed to be dead. I don’t know how that’s possible so you need to explain it and tell me why you can’t come back to the Alliance with me._

_But if it’s really you in there then I’m so happy. I love you, I’ll always love you. When you died...just don’t make me go through that again. Talk to me, tell me everything that’s happened and make sure I don’t regret this, okay?_

_Kay_

Shepard wasn’t sure how many times he reread the message but after an eternity, he hit ‘reply.’ He stared at the blank screen for a couple minutes before typing. He began with the attack on the Normandy and how he only had brief flashes of it and ended with his feelings about Horizon. He poured everything he could into the email, Kaidan being the only person in the galaxy that he would give so much effort for.

He felt mentally exhausted by the time he sent it and allowed himself to collapse in a heap on the bed. He was anxious about the reply and wondered how one man was able to affect him so much. He smiled, it was because Cal had allowed him to. From there his mind drifted to when they met, when they talked about their attraction for the first time, when Kaidan began sharing his cabin more often. Shepard was stressed not only about his life, but the lives of countless others. However, he was able to fall asleep that night with a smile on his face.

10101010101

Over the next few weeks, Shepard and Kaidan exchanged messages whenever they were able. They talked often, the older man on keen alert for anything that might’ve sounded out of character for Cal. But honestly, he could find nothing except the man he thought he’d left behind two years ago. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel. There was awe and relief without a doubt but Shepard was _alive._ Did that mean Cerberus was capable of bringing people back from the dead or was there a chance that the Alliance could’ve rescued Cal all that time ago?

The brunette admitted even he didn’t know how Miranda and her team did it, that all he knew was it required an incredible amount of money and resources. He figured he was as close to death as one could be and Cerberus saved him just in time. Shepard was honest about how Miranda wanted to plant a control chip in his brain but the Illusive Man forbade it. He wanted the original Shepard, the one who defeated a reaper and saved the Citadel, not some mind-controlled puppet. He wouldn't have needed Commander Shepard for that.

“Maybe it’d help if we actually talked,” Cal wrote. “Can you get on the vid comm?”

It took a little bit before they worked out a time they could both get on. But Shepard was happy when the other man finally appeared before him.

“Hey,” Kaidan greeted, obviously unsure what to say.

“Hey,” the younger commander returned. “I...you’re at the Citadel?”

“Yeah, I’m leaving again tomorrow though. Where are you?”

“We just left Illium. It was...interesting. Picked up an asari Justicar and a drell assassin.”

Amber eyes widened. “Um, is that really safe?”

“What? Oh, yeah, Thane’s fine. I’m not worried. So, uh, how’ve you been? There weren’t any side effects from those Collector things, were there?”

“No, I’m okay. Alliance sent some people to Horizon to help what’s left of the colony. They thought it was Cerberus behind these attacks on humans but I can now confirm they’re not. Though I really don't know if it’s going to make a difference.”

“Probably not...”

He sighed. “Yeah. I’ve been talking to Anderson. He said you came by a while back and talked to him.”

“That’s when he told me you were on some super secret spy mission.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes but gave a fraction of a smile. “Apparently you’ve been forwarding stuff to him. Um, can I say that out loud?”

“Heh, yeah, it’s fine. And I have.”

“He also says he believes you’re you.”

“Ah, well, good.” He barely held himself back from asking if Kaidan believed that too.

“So...wanna tell me the story of how you met that assassin?”

Cal grinned, the way Kaidan loved so much. They ended up talking for a long time, until Shepard absolutely needed to go and return to his duties. Something in Kaidan’s own mind was eased after speaking to him. More and more he believed that Cal was under no one’s control but his own. And with the way the Alliance was still acting, even after Kaidan’s report about Horizon, he could understand why Shepard was working with the Illusive Man.

They continued exchanging emails and speaking over comm when their schedules allowed. Shepard was giving him a lot to think about. He was doing what he believed was right, what would save the galaxy. Again. Kaidan didn’t doubt that any longer.

10101010101

“Sheesh, you sure go to the Citadel a lot,” Shepard teased over the vid comm.

“Yeah, yeah. I got here a couple days ago. Had to take care of some work stuff. Can you meet me here soon?”

“We're heading there to resupply actually. Give me a day or so and we can meet up in the Zakera ward.”

“Alright. Send me a message when you arrive. I’ll be here for a while.”

They hung up soon after, excitement and nervousness burning through Shepard’s veins. This would be the first time they saw each other in person since Horizon and even though they talked through everything and sent messages nearly every day...

Cal felt scared. And he wasn’t sure why.

That was a lie, he did know. He was terrified Kaidan would turn him away for good this time—either labelling him the Illusive Man’s puppet or a terrorist. But if that were the case, Kaidan wouldn’t set up a meeting to do so. He’d tell him over an email or the vid comm then refuse any more communications, and this was obviously the opposite of that.

That was what Cal told himself during the next couple days for comfort, and that would have to be enough.


	4. Chapter 4

Kaidan was waiting in front of a restaurant when Shepard arrived. The brunette nearly stopped when he caught sight of the older man in his civilian clothing, still unaware of Shepard’s presence.

“Kaidan!” he called. And then the biotic turned to him and smiled and Cal felt good.

The staff commander walked up to him and embraced him, so happy to simply touch Cal once again. There was no doubt in his mind now that this was Cal and the things he did, he did for the right reasons.

“How’ve you been?” Kaidan asked once they pulled away.

“I’m...okay. I’m mostly focusing on just building up my crew at the moment. What about you?”

“I’ve been at the Citadel for a while now. I would’ve asked to meet up sooner but I’ve been really busy.” He ran a hand through his black hair. “You wanna head in now? I’m starved.”

“Me too. I’m so fucking hungry.”

They were seated quickly and Kaidan listened for a while as Cal told a story about one of his last missions. But it wasn’t long before Shepard noticed something wrong, he was expecting it really, and he became scared that this would be the moment Kaidan told him to fuck off permanently.

“Are...you okay?” he asked hesitantly.

At that moment a human waiter came with their drinks and interrupted Kaidan’s response. Shepard’s heart rate picked up a little. He was under so much stress right now and this was just making it worse. Once the extra human was gone, Cal took a large swig of beer.

“I'm fine,” Kaidan finally said. “It’s just...” He exhaled a deep breath. “I still feel overwhelmed about...this...if I think about it too hard, how you died but not really because Cerberus rebuilt you, and now you’re working for them. But I-I get why and I believe you when you say it’s only temporarily. After what happened on Horizon, how could I not see your reasons for doing this?” He glanced around the restaurant, eyeing the various people of various species, before returning his gaze to Shepard. “I took a leave of absence. I’m going to join your crew and then, when all this is over, we can face the Alliance together.”

Shepard was stunned and wondered if he heard correctly. He stared at the other commander, momentarily speechless. “I...really?”

“Yes. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and this is what I want.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He placed his hands out in front of him on the table. Kaidan clasped his fingers around them warmly. “Of all the ways this lunch could've gone, I never imagined this. But...fuck, welcome aboard, Kaidan. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Kaidan cupped his face and leaned over the table to kiss him. “Good,” he eventually murmured against his lips. “I wouldn't have taken no for an answer.”

Shepard chuckled and pulled back a little. “It’s not me you have to worry about. Jacob and Miranda will be the ones to throw a fit. Doesn’t matter, I’ll talk them down. I love you, Kay.”

“I love you too.”

Shepard wouldn’t have been able to explain what he was feeling if he tried. A huge weight was lifted from his shoulders and part of him still couldn’t quite believe that Kaidan was coming aboard the Normandy to fight by his side again. He really did trust Cal.

The rest of their lunch passed by easily for the brunette. His new happiness was palpable and Kaidan felt the last of his tension disappearing because of it. The longer he spent with Shepard, the more it reinforced his decision.

“So what’s our next mission?” Kaidan asked after they paid for their meal.

“After we get you settled in and introduced to the crew? I’m waiting on orders from the Illusive Man. I’m recruiting Tali next but she’s gone off the radar. Wherever he finds her, that’s where we’re headed.”

“Will he be okay with me coming onboard?”

“Yeah, he won’t care. He’s given me free reign to stop the Collectors. Not only are you a fucking awesome soldier and biotic, but having you here is going to make me better too. I already work hard but you make me do it harder.”

“Always harder,” Kaidan laughed and wrapped an arm around the brunette’s waist. An arm rested behind his shoulders in response.

“Where’s your stuff?”

“In a hotel. We’ll get a cab.”

Fifteen minutes later, Shepard was following Kaidan into his hotel room. The Alliance commander already had his belongings packed.

“You really don’t waste any time,” Cal said when he noticed.

“Just in case we had to leave right away.” He watched the brunette approach him and grab his hands.

“We still have some time,” he murmured and then he leaned in to kiss Kaidan.

The black-haired man grabbed his ass and pulled until their hips were flush against each other. They started walking towards the bed together until they were able to tumble onto it. They rolled around until one of Cal’s legs wrapped about Kaidan’s waist and the older man’s mouth latched onto the side of his neck. The brunette thrust his hips upward, his movements rushed and clumsy.

Just as Kaidan was getting ready to tear Shepard’s pants off, a loud ping rang in their ears. They stopped and Cal was the first to realize his omni-tool was blinking.

“Of course,” he sighed. He pulled up the urgent message.

“Is that the Illusive Man?” Kaidan asked as he sat up.

“Yeah. Looks like we’re headed to Haestrom.” He sent out a message to his crew then got off the bed. He gave the older man one last kiss before heading for the door. “You ready to see the Normandy SR-2?”

“Ready when you are, Commander.”

10101010101

“You have to be joking.”

“I agree. I’m not sure this is the greatest idea?”

“Well, _I_ think it’s great. And we all know how much Shepard values my opinion.”

The commander turned around and saw Garrus lean against the wall of the armory. Shepard and Kaidan were there along with Miranda and Jacob. The Cerberus members weren’t happy about the new addition to the crew.

“I don’t know. I didn’t hear everything on Horizon, but that wasn’t a heartfelt reunion,” Jacob said.

“It’s really none of your business,” Shepard interjected.

“It is when you try to bring the same Alliance commander you were fighting with onboard,” Miranda told him.

“He’ll be a fantastic addition to Team Kill-You-With-Biotics.”

“And if he tries to sabotage the mission?”

“I like how we’re talking as if he’s not even in the room,” Garrus laughed. Miranda glared at him before returning her eyes to the commander.

“He’s not going to the same way Dr Chakwas or Joker or even Garrus hasn’t. They're not Cerberus, however, you know that they believe in _me._ The Collectors threaten all of us and every single person in this room and on this ship knows that. I’m still the commander here and I say he stays. I better not hear about anyone treating him poorly. We're not goddamn children, our focus is the Collectors. Is that clear?” His tone was hard. He was starting to consider Jacob and Miranda his friends but he wouldn’t put up with any harassment towards Kaidan.

“Sure,” Miranda said, heading for the door. “I’m sure you’ll feel the same when the Alliance suddenly knows every secret about this mission and arrests us all.”

She left and Jacob glanced at the two men before heading out as well. Garrus and Kaidan both looked to the brunette.

“That went better than I thought,” Cal said sincerely.

“It did?” Kaidan asked.

“I thought they’d put up more of a fight,” Garrus agreed.

“Well, glad to get that out of the way then. Come on, Kay. Let’s finish showing you around.”

A half hour later, the couple was in the med bay talking to Dr Chakwas. And just as Shepard suspected, EDI was soon telling him that the Illusive Man wanted to speak with him. He promised to find Kaidan later before heading to the communications room.

“Shepard,” the Illusive Man greeted.

“So you’ve heard the news?” he asked. “It’s like grade school here.”

The man smirked and took a puff from his never-ending cigarette. “Staff Commander Alenko, Alliance Navy. Quite the addition to your crew.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I told you when our partnership began that you could do whatever it takes to stop the Collectors. As long as you don’t get distracted, I don’t care.”

“Ha! Distracted? Are you kidding? Kaidan was part of the crew that helped me save the Citadel and things worked out just fine...until I died. But that was different. Anyways, I don’t think the other two got the memo from you.”

“I understand why Miranda would be concerned but I disagree. I don’t think Alenko has it in him to go against you. She’ll leave it alone soon, Jacob will follow.”

“Well...okay then.”

“That’s all, Shepard. Get to Haestrom and take care of business.”

“Yeah, I’m on it.”

He rubbed a hand over his face and left the room. He decided to check on the rest of his crew, they had a lot of time before they reached the Dholen system. By the time he made it back to his private quarters, he hadn’t seen Kaidan again. Maybe he was still with the doctor or with Garrus. His green eyes darted around the cabin. He was happy that Kaidan wanted to share quarters again. For a few moments when they first boarded the Normandy, he felt uncertain. But then he was saying to take him to Shepard’s cabin—their cabin, Cal thought warmly. This was actually happening, Kaidan was really here. The door slid open and he turned around to see the older man enter.

“Hey,” Shepard said with a grin.

“Hey. You know...this ship is amazing.”

“Isn’t it? If there’s one good thing about Cerberus, it’s their ship building.”

“They’re really good at rebuilding things,” he said softly. But then a small smirk graced the older biotic’s face. “So why are you randomly standing in the middle of the room? Weirdo.”

“I just got here, you ass. And as I suspected, the Illusive Man told Miranda to back off.”

“You’re as much of an Alliance soldier as I am.”

“Yeah, but Jacob must’ve told her about Horizon.” He shrugged. “Whatever. They’ll be fine once you’ve been here longer than five minutes. Did you meet any of the other crew?”

“Yeah, Garrus introduced me. You, uh, you’ve picked up some interesting people. And after talking to Thane a bit, I don’t feel nearly as nervous as I did about an assassin being onboard.”

“See? Told you he was cool.”

“Yeah, I’ll...I’ll never doubt you again.”

Shepard didn’t say anything, instead he closed the small distance and embraced him. Kaidan’s arms wrapped around him. The older man pulled back after a minute and stared at his face, and Cal felt like he was searching for something. He almost asked if something was wrong, but then the man smiled and leaned forward to capture his lips in a kiss. Shepard returned it easily and hoped that they wouldn’t be interrupted by anyone this time. His hands snaked under the fabric of Kaidan’s shirt to map out the muscles of his back. It wasn’t long before he needed more though. The brunette pulled away for a moment to lift the older man’s shirt over his head and throw it to the floor. He was going to kiss him again when something caught his eye. He grabbed Kaidan’s hips and pushed him back a little.

“W-what is this?” he asked, though he could see plainly. He yanked his pants down to expose it completely.

“It’s...a tattoo,” Kaidan murmured. “F holes, like on guitars.”

Cal lightly ran his thumbs over the black ink on Kaidan’s skin and thought back to their last night before the Collector attack.

“I thought you never wanted one,” he chuckled lightly.

“Yeah...this one’s special though. It’s been a rough couple years.”

“I know. I love you, Kay.”

“Love you too. Always.”

Cal cupped Kaidan’s face and kissed him deeply. With mouth preoccupied, the older biotic unzipped Shepard’s pants and his hands dipped beneath the loosened waist to grab his ass. He swallowed the moan Shepard let loose when his fingers rubbed between his cheeks. The younger man broke their kiss then moved them so he could sit on the mattress. He looked up at Kaidan with hooded eyes as he finished pulling his pants down all the way.

A warm hand wrapped around Kaidan’s dick as he kissed along the black tattoos. It turned him on to imagine Kaidan lying with his pants down while some stranger permanently etched ink into his skin. But then a sudden sadness lanced through him as he remembered exactly _why_ Kaidan had gotten a tattoo when he never wanted one before.

The Alliance soldier noticed something wrong by the way Shepard’s hand and lips faltered a bit and he cupped his face. “Cal,” he murmured and the younger biotic looked up at him. He leaned down and kissed him hard. It was true the last two years without Shepard were incredibly difficult but that was over. They could move on because they’d somehow been given this amazing second chance.

“Lay back,” he whispered into the brunette’s ear. But then he was working his way down Cal’s neck until he bit it just above the collarbone. A wave of arousal pulsed through him as Shepard whined, he was glad to know that spot was still so sensitive.

He kicked his own pants off then when Cal’s back hit the bed, he stripped the other sentinel of the rest of his clothing. Kaidan crawled on top of him and Shepard’s legs spread to accommodate him. He drew Cal into another rough kiss, completely unable to get his fill. His fingers reached down again to grab his ass while his mouth moved to bite his neck more.

“Oh god. Kay,” Cal gasped. His hands ran up the older man’s sides until they rested around his shoulders.

“I know you have lube. Where is it?”

“Top drawer on my left.”

It was with great reluctance that he pulled away from the warm body beneath him to quickly crawl over and grab the tube. After more than two years, they were both incredibly eager. He returned to Cal and kissed his way down his squirming body. Once he was settled between his legs, he slicked the fingers of one hand and wrapped the others around Shepard’s half-hard penis. He kissed the head then licked up the underside. Two of his fingers rubbed against Cal’s hole then pushed in as his mouth sank around his cock.

The younger soldier moaned and spread his legs wider. His hand rubbed through perfect black hair, not pushing or pulling but just holding. Fingers massaged his prostate and the sensation shot straight to his dick, that and Kaidan’s mouth making him rock hard. He watched himself disappear repeatedly between the older man’s lips and felt another finger enter him. A hard suck on his way up made Cal’s hips shift a little and he tightened around the thrusting digits. Kaidan pulled his head up so he could watch the younger soldier. He loved the way Shepard thrust against his fingers while saying his name.

He watched him a little while longer before pulling his fingers out and leaning over Shepard to kiss him. He always loved the feeling of their lips meshing together. One of Kaidan’s hands reached down and he guided himself towards Cal’s ass. He pushed his cock in until the head slipped in. His tattooed hips thrust shallowly until the entirety of his erection was buried inside Shepard’s body. He felt fingers in his hair again and he propped himself up on both hands. Neither of them moved for a moment as they tried to savor the feeling of finally being together again after so long. Kaidan had to keep reminding himself that this was real, that Cal lying here with him was real.

Hands rubbed along his stomach and he grinned a little. He started thrusting, moving slowly at first. But Shepard was panting in his ear and fingers were digging into his back and he gave that up. Both men were too excited to draw it out.

The brunette’s back arched as Kaidan drove into him faster, feeling his cock reach deeply. This is what he had craved. He moaned the other man’s name and it spurred Kaidan to keep plunging into him just the way he liked. Cal’s fingers clawed into the sheets as he tried his best to push into the older biotic’s hips. The pleasure extended through every nerve and part of him didn’t want it to end. But the rest of him could feel that tightening in his balls and if Kaidan pumped into him a little longer-

Shepard gasped as he came onto his own stomach and chest, his hole clenching down tightly around the thick cock still moving inside him. The warmth he felt soon after, along with Kaidan calling out his name, signalled the older man’s own orgasm. The brunette watched him as he came down from his high, rubbing a hand along Kaidan’s cheek. He pulled his softening cock out then settled down beside Cal.

Two sets of eyes stared out the window at the distant stars. After a couple minutes, Cal rolled onto his side. Kaidan looked at him as a hand starting stroking his tattoo again.

“You really like my f holes.”

“I like touching them,” he laughed. “They look good on you. Seriously, it's hot.”

“I’m pretty fond of them myself.”

As Cal curled more against him, Kaidan knew this was the right decision. He had no idea what this battle to stop the Collectors would throw at them. From Cal’s stories and his own experience so far, it already seemed pretty crazy. But he was ready for anything and when the time came, he’d gladly answer to the Alliance because this—helping his commander, his lover save the galaxy again—that would never be a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at it but if someone wants to draw Kaidan with those f hole tattoos, please feel free. ;D Thanks for reading, everyone!


End file.
